Here are a few of the most interesting predictions for ’09, from some of the most trusted sources in the field of professional prognostication. How well did they do?
The aliens will introduce themselves on television. FAIL. On the July 10, 2009 broadcast of Coast to Coast AM, psychic David Wilcock announced that his inside sources within the intelligence community had told him that the U.S. government would give FULL DISCLOSURE about the alien presence on earth during a two-hour, international TV event by the end of the year. The TV spot had already been reserved and everything. During the broadcast, actual humanoid aliens would be trotted out and introduced to us by the President. Maybe the show was cancelled because too many viewers believe the President is an alien. Or because it would have cut into Leno’s time slot.
You can read about some of Wilcock’s other hilariously wrong predictions here.
The aliens won’t land, but the New World Order baddies will make us think they’ve landed, using holograms and high-tech gadgetry. FAIL. Throughout 2008, this prediction was touted by Alex Jones, Connie Fogal of the Canadian Action Party, and just about every conspiranoid on the planet. This video featuring Dr. Carol Rosin “explains” it.
The Japanese sea-monster hologram was sometimes cited as an example of how convincing a bogus alien invasion could be. Please. It’s cool, but even if you were really-really stoned, would you honestly think that was a live sea monster? Srsly? Would you run into a hotel lobby screaming, “There’s a sea monster in the bay and it looks pissed! Run away!”? Or would you say to yourself, “That’s an even better hologram than the shark in Back to the Future III! I am truly blessed to live in such a technologically advanced society, where otaku twentysomethings can create these wondrous marvels for the delight of mankind. Now I think I’ll hit the buffet”?
The Great Swine Flu Plot of ’09. FAIL. As I wrote at Leaving Alex Jonestown, Jones laid out the steps whereby the Commie-Satanist-Eugenicist elite would use forced H1N1 inoculation to cause rioting, giving them an excuse to bundle us all into FEMA camps and eliminate 80-99% of the world’s population. This was supposed to begin happening in the fall of ’09. Do I even have to mention that instead of forced inoculation programs, most developed countries have major overstocks of H1N1 vaccine?
I didn’t think so.
The Web Bot Project “Global Coastal Event”. UNDETERMINED. According to the Web Bots, early 2009 was supposed to see a “Global Coastal Event” and a lot of other vague-ass stuff like “emotional intensity”.
Sylvia Browne’s Predictions. Here’s what the dagger-nailed doyenne of epic fail predicted for ’09:
– The economy will rebound around May. FAIL.
– The U.S. will discover even more oil and gas reserves and begin using its own resources. FAIL.
– Regulation of loans and stocks will increase. FAIL.
– More jobs with better benefits (better than what?) will appear mid-year. FAIL.
– Troops will begin coming home from Iraq en masse in December. FAIL.
– Tsunamis and earthquakes will occur in the Far East. PASS.
– Branjelina will probably break up towards the end of the year. PASS? FAIL? WHO CARES?
– Harrison Ford will have a health scare. FAIL.
– Clint Eastwood will have varicose veins. UNDETERMINED, and who cares?
– Robert Redford will be honored for an award-winning documentary. FAIL. Not only did Redford not direct or produce a documentary, he wasn’t honored much at all in ’09. In fact, Lions for Lambs made most critics and fans want to kick his ass. A better prediction would have been, “It’s finally going to suck to be Robert Redford this year.”
– Katie Couric will leave CBS Nightly News. FAIL.
– Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins will start a large alternative-energy organization. That sounds like a safe bet, but FAIL.
– In March, a large liner “will go aground, sending many people into the water”. FAIL.
– Two plane crashes near the East Coast in August and September. FAIL. And she didn’t see the Hudson crash in January. That’s an extra FAIL.
– Terrorist attack close to Paris in January. FAIL.
– Two attacks in India in February. FAIL.
– A Brinks trunk will be robbed in Vegas. FAIL. Try Florida.
– An uprising will occur in Oakland, California – something to do with a police officer and gang members. PASS. There were riots after the shooting of Oscar Grant III in January ’09.
Swallowing The Camel 
Norway Time Hole “Leak” Plunges Northern Hemisphere Into Chaoshttp://www.daily.pk/norway-time-hole-%E2%80%9Cleak%E2%80%9D-plunges-northern-hemisphere-into-chaos-14311/Russian scientists are reporting to Prime Minister Putin today that the high-energy beam fired into the upper heavens from the United States High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) radar facility in Ramfjordmoen, Norway this past month [12/09/2009 to be exact] has resulted in a “catastrophic puncturing” of our Planet’s thermosphere thus allowing into the troposphere an “unimpeded thermal inversion” of the exosphere, which is the outermost layer of Earth’s atmosphere.To how catastrophic for our Planet this massive thermal inversion has been Anthony Nunan, an assistant general manager for risk management at Mitsubishi Corporation in Tokyo, is reporting today that the entire Northern Hemisphere is in winter chaos, with the greatest danger from this unprecedented Global event being the destruction of billions of dollars worth of crops in a World already nearing the end of its ability to feed its self.European Parliament to Investigate WHO and “Pandemic” ScandalThe Council of Europe member states will launch an inquiry in January 2010 on the influence of the pharmaceutical companies on the global swine flu campaign, focusing especially on extent of the pharma‘s industry’s influence on WHO. The Health Committee of the EU Parliament has unanimously passed a resolution calling for the inquiry. The step is a long-overdue move to public transparency of a “Golden Triangle” of drug corruption between WHO, the pharma industry and academic scientists that has permanently damaged the lives of millions and even caused death.The parliament motion was introduced by Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg, former SPD Member of the German Bundestag and now chairman of the Health Committee of PACE (Parliamentary Assembly of the Council of Europe). Wodarg is a medical doctor and epidemiologist, a specialist in lung disease and environmental medicine, who considers the current “pandemic” Swine Flu campaign of the WHO to be “one of the greatest medicine scandals of the Century.This has nothing to do with failed predictions. But I can't wait for you to tell me what an idiot I am believing this shit..Anne, Norway
I wouldn't consider anyone an idiot for wondering about this stuff. IMO, it would be an idiot who didn't wonder what the hell HAARP is and what it does, exactly, or if the pharmaceutical industry inculcated pork plague panic and/or unduly influenced WHO. But believing everything you hear about this stuff wholeheadedly? That's a different thing.
Anne, I won't call you an idiot. But I will suggest that there are some questions you should ask yourself about the material you're posting:* Who is the expert you would want to hear from, to tell you whether it's true or false that "the entire Northern Hemisphere is in winter chaos"? Would you want to hear it from a scientist? Would you want to hear it from a climate scientist specifically?* What would you think if you couldn't find a climate scientist, or any kind of scientist, who agreed that "the entire Northern Hemisphere is in winter chaos"? What would you think if you had to go all the way down to "an assistant general manager for risk management at Mitsubishi Corporation" before you found anyone who agreed that "the entire Northern Hemisphere is in winter chaos"?* What do you think of the fact that "(Author)" (that is who is credited with writing this article) could not find anyone besides that assistant general manager for risk management to quote on the claim that "the entire Northern Hemisphere is in winter chaos"?* What do you think of the fact that "(Author)" could not find anyone to support his (or perhaps her) claim that it is one specific event — which only happened a month ago — that has had such drastic effects in such a short span of time?* Scientists reach conclusions such as "A causes B" by considering many hypotheses, examining the data for them and the data against them, and weighing them against each other. Even for simple questions, about matters much, much less complex than the weather patterns of the entire world, the process usually takes months or even years. Exactly how did "(Author)" rule out all hypotheses other than "it was a high-energy beam fired from a Norway facility on 12/09/2009" in less than a month and a half?* How did "(Author)" rule out the possibility that global warming, a process which has been going on for decades and which can definitely cause both extreme highs and extreme lows, could be producing the extreme weather events cited?These are all questions that we should ask ourselves quite seriously before we decide to believe this story.
I don't see why you give the "Leno buys a Bugatti" a pass. The Conan gag is roughly 3 items removed — compare the sentences.Leno buys a Bugatti.Conan uses a Bugatti with mouse ears as a gag-prop.
Then there's this sentence: Leno replaces Conan as host of The Tonight Show right after the Bugatti-mouse gag.